So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am one with the molecules
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
