dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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