Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
