people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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