I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
