You can't special order awesome
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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