Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
