Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
