Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
