Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
