Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so let's talk penis.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
