Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
