We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
