I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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