I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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