I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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