I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
