that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
