Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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