we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
