listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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