So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
