Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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