I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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