my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
