I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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