nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
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