Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
