And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
