Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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