So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize