Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
