remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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