Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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