conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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