i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
