we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
