i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
