Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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