New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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