I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He did a backflip because drugs
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