If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
