sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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