Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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