Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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