it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
