I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
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Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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