i think i have two assholes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
