he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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