You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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