dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
