Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
