You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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