I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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