did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
