umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
