Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
