No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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