just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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