Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize