He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Small penises have feelings too.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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