I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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