Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
