What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
