bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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