I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
