I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
